My aunt Rosemary

My aunt Rosemary died yesterday.

I can't believe it - we were just with her in Toronto in September. She was only 58, and she was sweet and kind and funny and smart. And now she's gone.

I am full of stupid regrets. I know they aren't productive, but they are there nevertheless: that we didn't spend more time together in Toronto; that I haven't been on Skype lately, so we hadn't spoken for ages; that I didn't treat the last time I saw Rosemary like it was the last time I would see her; That I get busy and important things and communications fall by the wayside; and that I still have the little present my mum sent over with me for her, and that I kept forgetting to send. It would have made her laugh. My aunts all have a wicked sense of humour.

I am so lucky to have and to know my aunts and uncles, most of them (in fact all on my mum's side) living so far away. They have all, near or far, been these amazing, glamourous people living exotic lives. My mum is one of five and my Dad one of four, and Rosemary is the first of their generation we have lost. It just doesn't seem right. She had just finished working and deserved a break - to do just what she wanted to do. Rosemary loved her dog Happy with a passion as if he were her child. She gave so much and was so interested in our lives, and those of others. I was just reading the emails Rosemary sent after we saw her in September. She said she was showing her work colleagues the photos of our time together "because they already know so much about Henry and Bella". She adored my babies even before she met them. How lucky is that.

And now she is gone. I wish my children had know Rosemary more and better. She talked about coming to New Zealand next year for a few months. I would have loved for that to happen.

And now her sisters and brother are shocked and grieving, as are we. Though Rosemary had hurt her back earlier this year and seemed kind of frail, she was not "unwell". She had a wonderful semi-retirement ahead. No-one saw this coming.

Rosemary had lived all around the world - even in New Zealand for a while - in the Hutt no less! a childhood in Ottawa and then Vevey, time living and working in Sydney, Inverness, Regina, Toronto and other places. She was strong and independent and always made me laugh.

I just don't really know what to say. Rosemary's siblings and friends will all be so shocked and sad - it is unimaginable for someone you love to just disappear like that, and yet I know it happens to people every day.

This is why we must make the most of who and what we have. Today. How easy it is to live like there is always a tomorrow.